Over the last two weeks we have been working on a piece of writing to shift it from good to great. Our learning intention was:
To share our creative ideas in our writing so the audience can get a picture of what we see.
The success criteria for this writing was:
* I explain my idea using describing words and verbs
* I build the idea so that the audience gets a better understanding
We used the story Through the Magic Mirror by Anthony Browne as our motivation for writing.
Today we VOTED the best 7 pieces of writing to go up onto the blog. The voted was based on the success criteria and we had to justify why we voted these pieces of writing.
ENJOY OUR STORIES AND SEE IF YOU THINK THEY MET THE SUCCESS CRITERIA - WE WOULD LOVE YOUR COMMENTS!
When I stepped into the Magic Mirror I saw Ponyville. In Ponyville I saw whales dressed up as ghosts and ponies dressed up as dogs and I saw cats walking people. It was freaky! I was walking around because I was looking for the Magic Mirror. I walked into the Magic Mirror again to go back home. The next day I cannon-balled into the Magic Mirror again. I saw balloons everywhere. They had people in them and they popped. I felt scared because I felt like I was one person in a balloon. I went to a different place through the Magic Mirror. It was Christchurch. I was happy because my Grandad lives there. Then… there was an earthquake and I was scared because people were jiggling but the ground was still. I was jiggling and I don’t like jiggling round and round. Then I went and jumped through the Magic Mirror again and I went home.
Caitie
When I stepped into the Magic Mirror I saw dinosaurs. One of the dinosaurs was walking near me and almost ate me but I bought my sharp-play sword and chopped the dinosaur’s neck in half. Then a fairy creature came along with two big sharp teeth and then ran to the volcano. Near the volcano were five dinosaurs playing in a band. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Then a pteranadon came flying and caught me and flew me to her nest and I said, “Do you think I’m your kid?” And it said, “Arrrgh”. I said, “What?” The the pteranadon flew me to the Magic Mirror where I saw the dinosaur neck lying in half in the Hall. Then I stepped into the Mirror and I was home.
Olly
When I stepped into the Magic Mirror I saw an octopus knitting an alive zebra on land. Next I met an apple that had a face and could talk, then another one. There were heaps on the tree – I was surprised! Then I saw a little baby unicorn. It had lost its mother. It ran up to me and I hugged it. It was soft. I couldn’t believe eyes. She looked worried. I looked up and I saw huge giants looking at me. They had big pointy teeth and big sharp claws. Their teeth smelt disgusting because they hadn’t brushed them. I picked up the unicorn and ran as fast as I could. I raced behind a tree and tried to hide. I told the unicorn to be quiet. Then I said, “that was lucky,” as the giants ran past. I was safe and the baby unicorn was too. I was overjoyed! I saw the Magic Mirror so I jumped back into the Mirror with the unicorn tucked under my arm. I saved us both!
Ella
When I stepped into the Magic Mirror I saw a magic house and inside was a cheeky dog that ran into the cupboard. Inside the cupboard was a real supermarket and the dog ate everything in the supermarket. The dog got fat! I went in and I got the sweets but oh no the dog was eating ice cream. The dog and I ran out of the supermarket even though there wasn’t a shopkeeper! We ran mad then I ran back into the shop and got dog meat. Then I got a sword, apple, macaroni, meat pie, sausages and a toy then to get back in the house I ran back into the mirror. My Mum came into the mirror with me. The dog was ferocious to her so she ran with the mean dog behind her going, woof WOOF! My mum just about got bit on her bottom when she yelled an enormous yell! “Help – get me back out of the Magic Mirror. I ran back too – it was a scary mission. I tired to run into the mirror again and donked my head. It must not be magic anymore - boo hoo.
Jack
When I stepped into the Magic Mirror I saw a Magic unicorn with a rainbow horn. “You can have three wishes,” she said. “How wonderful,” I said. “You are so beautiful with your rainbow mane and tail. I could just eat you like a lolly, yummy, yummy, yummy! I love lollies so much unicorn. Thank you. I wish I had a bag of lollies and a pet unicorn. I love you so much. I think I might call you Holly. I like that name for you Holly. I jumped back into the Magic Mirror with Holly tucked under my arm. When I jumped back in the mirror, everything looked normal.
Kyla
When I stepped into the magic Mirror I saw the ocean on a building and in the middle of the ocean was a traffic light. On the traffic light was a wolf climbing up the traffic light. The traffic light was dripping colours of green, orange and red. The wolf was sticking his long tongue out and drinking from the lights. First green came out, then orange, then red. I walked on and suddenly…I saw a flock of monkeys flying in the air. Then I saw some rainbow coloured kangaroos jump past me. I jumped into one of the pouches and went for a ride. I saw the mirror that lead back to my house and scampered out of the kangaroo’s pouch and ran in to the Magic Mirror and I said, “Boy what a ride!”
Nina
When I stepped into the Magic Mirror I saw princesses flying in space. It was funny because they popped and sprinkles came out over their head! Then the sprinkles floated to my mouth. They were so yummy I nearly fainted with happiness but then a lion sneaked up behind me and caught me. It was funny because usually a lion wouldn’t catch me. I went to jump on the lion’s back but the lion ran away. I fell in a puddle of sprinkles. I jumped up and slide back into the Magic Mirror.
Makayla
When I stepped into the Magic shiny Mirror I saw that it was snowing in the summer. The people were wearing their togs with a sweatshirt. It was really weird. There were people with flippers instead of arms and legs – it was so funny. Mars turned into a Chocolate Bar. Then a walking whale came and ate it in one whole bite – that was super strange. There was a playground that was made out of ice cream and chocolate – I couldn’t believe my eyes. I went on a swing with a seat that was ice cream and the ropes were chocolate. Then the seat started to melt. When it finished melting I fell off and crawled back into the Magic Mirror.
Daniel
All student have made a stunning job of their magic Mirror writing and the stories are published in our classroom for you to enjoy. Congratulations to those students whose writing was voted onto the blog - Well done!
